I read this verse at 2:30am one morning because I was awake with my 3 1/2 month old son, who'd decided that he'd had enough sleep and wanted to play. He was laying on the floor cooing and kicking and squealing in delight while I was sulking in the chair feeling sorry for myself. Then I reminded myself that I had set a goal to try to find something positive with every situation. So I decided that since he was only playing and not crying, I would be thankful for that. And since I'm always complianing that I don't have time to read my Bible - I would go ahead and read now. But read what? What did the Bible have to say tabout sitting up with your baby in the middle of the night when you'd really rather be sleeping? I was prompted to turn to Hebrews and my eyes found the passage at the end of chapter 4. Words that I had underlined after having written a paper about it at college. "For we do not have a High Preist who is unable to sympathize . . ." Ah! That's what I needed right then, Sympathy! So I began to pour out to the Lord how tired I was, and stressed I was, and to please make this child get sleepy soon!
Then I read the next verse. "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." I was reminded that God did not promise to change our circumstances, but to give us HELP when we were in need. And then I realized that I did not need a quick fix, I needed to address my selfishness. I needed to address my pride and attitude of independence and realize that I cannot not do anything good by myself. By myself I am a wicked, selfish sinner. And that person would destroy my relationships and make a mess of my life. I did not want that, I wanted to be a good mom and I wanted to be kind and not frustrated with my son. But I did not feel kind! How could I do this? What would Jesus do? I don't know - I bet Jesus never stayed up with a baby. I bet he never changed a diaper or dealt with little kids all day, every day! No, but he did see to people's needs. He did deal with people all day, and their sin, and filfth, and needs, and sicknesses, and problems. My mind recalled a study my husband and I had done together through the first part of the book of Mark, specifically Chapter 1 and verses 21-34. It was the Sabbath day and Jesus went to the synagogue and taught. Now my husband, who is a pastor, will tell you that preaching one 30 minute sermon on a Sunday morning makes him feel as though he has worked one of the 8 hour shifts throwing boxes he used to do at Wal-Mart. And we know from Scripture that Jesus felt all the needs of any other human, he got tired and hungry just as we do. We also know from Scripture that he could feel power going out of him when he healed people (Mark 5;30). Looking back at Mark 1 vs. 23, a man with an unclean spirit comes to Jesus and Christ heals him. So he's been teaching and now performed a healing - we can assume that he is feeling tired from that effort and power having been expended. Then he goes with his first 4 disciples to Simon and Andrews house, vs. 29, and there they bring to Jesus's attention that their mother is sick in bed. Christ goes to her and heals her as well. More draining of power. Vs. 32 says that that same evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon possessed. ALL!! It says the whole town gathered at the door! And Jesus healed many and cast out many demons. He has been meeting people's needs all day long and into the night. He has dealt with their problems, thier sickness, and even spiritual issues. Wow! Jesus Christ really does understand what I do - because he did the same things and even more! That was a huge comfort to me! To know that Jesus understood! He dealt with stressful situations all day and even into the night - just as I deal with my little kids and their needs 24 hours a day. But then again, Jesus was GOD!! He was perfect! He had all the power of the universe with him, even though he was temporarily in a human body. Can I really be like that? Can I asquire the patience, compassion, and strength to handle situations the way He did?
Then I read vs. 35, I read: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." What!? After a long, tiring day like that and staying up late in the night to boot, he gets up early? Why not sleep in and recharge? Because he went to pray. He went to talk to his Father before he left to go on and preach some more and heal some more and deal with people some more (vs. 38-39). Hmm. Was I practicing that kind of dependence on the Father? No. But the Bible says that as a believer I can come boldly to the throne of grace, so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need. Hmm. What comfort, what a gift!
So after the Lord blessed me with these thoughts that night and I had prayed at the throne of grace, I played with my son til 4 o clock, held my daughter who woke up crying, warmed up some milk for her and put her back to bed, nursed my son and got him to bed, and finally went back to bed myself at 4:30 - expecting to have to take a nap at some point later that day. But I didn't. I woke up feeling fine and I went all day with unexplainable energy. Hmm, I guess the grace of God really works!!!!!!
